New blog, new me? Just kidding, but i’ve missed writing a lot a lot. This blog post is kind of a mumbo jumbo combo of different things from this year, a life update of sorts, and so on. I feel like i’m a merry little gal, so Merry Mence seems to fit. We’re rolling with it.
Well, here we go!
The past year of my life has been defined by my varying versions of busyness. Excuses piled up for why I couldn’t do simple things like sit down and just read a book or take a break from studying for friends or go get a cinnamon roll from The Bean.. little things I loved but didn’t make too much time for this year.
I made excuses for not writing as much as I liked to. I was a little discouraged by one of my writing professors, not because my professor didn’t like what I wrote but because we weren’t allowed to write about Jesus in the classroom. And that really affected me. The few times I did write this semester, my pieces were carefully written, things that felt meaningless to me and without emotion. Everything I write ends up pointing back to Jesus in some way, so it was hard.
I went to this women’s conference this semester and in one of the breakout sessions we had to go around the room and say our name and one thing we’re good at. When it was my turn, I stood up and said “My name is Mary Spencer and I think I’m a good writer.” And sat back down. Didn’t think too much of it, but after everyone had gone one of the women leading the discussion said “Many of you stood up and said that ‘You think‘ you are good at something. Own it, KNOW that what you said you are good at. No reason to cushion that.”
For me, that hit hard. I wasn’t confident in what I said, although I believed it. I know I’m a good writer, but the class I had this semester made me question it. Being in a room full of capable, intelligent women made me question it.
I questioned a gift I know God has given me and I say that because I looked around and realized how many women in the room had questioned the gifts God had given them too.
A lot of times, people question if God has really given them a gift, but I often think that the greatest gifts are overlooked. Each person possesses a talent, whether they know it or not, and that talent can glorify God so much if used for His glory.
And so I’m back to writing and writing hopefully every week at that, because i know God has given me a passion and love for writing, and I plan on using that to the fullest. And nothing can stop that. Especially no silly college class. And I challenge you to think about one thing you KNOW you’re good at. Not in the sense of bragging on yourself but rather bragging on the Lord and something He has gifted You in. I would love to hear what that is for yourself, feel free to message me or even leave it on the comments!
But back to the busyness thing. I know that overwhelming myself to the point of constant exhaustion this semester wasn’t healthy, but the Lord taught me some really cool things through it. (who’s surprised) and I just feel like I should share.
When all the Miss Auburn things happened, at first I wasn’t excited. Well, I was excited, bouncing off the walls for about 2 hours but then I just burst into tears. I didn’t feel confident enough to take on a thing like that, I didn’t feel confident speaking in front of people or confident in running a campaign. I went into heavy self doubt. And like just about every other girl, confidence was something I struggled on and off with.
I knew I knew I KNEW the Lord had a spectacular plan. I knew it the minute I walked in my second round interview because He literally just spoke through me the whole entire time. I walked out and I was like “Where the heck did those answers even come from?!” And I mean through something as worldly as a campaign the Lord showed me how equipped He has made me and how confident I should be because I am His daughter.
And the funny thing is no one probably even knew I felt like that because social media is a straight up scheme. Let’s be real. It shows none of the raw and real stuff, just the perfectly polished versions of ourselves we like best. But through all of that, Jesus was basically like “I told you so.”
Through that, I met some of my best friends. I learned what it meant to use the voice the Lord has given me. I learned how supportive and lucky I am to have the people I have in my life. I’m confident because I am His. And I really learned what that meant through all of this. I’ve also seen how social media can twist everything into the best gleaming version, but I want to continually share the hard parts behind everything too. Sometimes being vulnerable and open is a weird feeling for me, but I think that’s partly due to the society we live in.
It’s not what God intended, for us to pretend like everything is perfectly fine all. the. time. It’s exhausting. so here are the dirty parts, the parts that make me human. The parts that have helped me grow.
Another story of self doubt from this semester? Every door i wanted to open for interning in Nashville wouldn’t budge. I applied and applied and applied places, but I had just about given up on working anywhere semi-related to the music industry which has been my dream for forever. I threw a self-pity party and then got over myself because obviously the Lord had better plans in mind. I gritted my teeth and told myself over and over that the Lord will place me in the BEST place for me.
So I accepted an awesome internship in Nashville and moved on past it.
Well the Lord is funny. The week before finals, I get an e-mail asking if I had found an internship for the summer. I looked up the place that sent the e-mail and about fell out on the floor. A PR firm that works with entertainment/music clients?! You’re joking right. So in a whirlwind of events, I end up getting the internship with them. Right where I wanted to be. And the Lord’s plan aligned with my heart’s desires.
Patience is key and the Lord made that very clear. Sorry about that.
And here I am, sitting in my bed in Nashville. It’s a dream being here, a little hard at first finding my way and making new friends, but man the Lord has already been so good to me.
I feel rested for the first time in a long time, and it’s made me take a minute and re-align my priorities for senior year. I feel rested, I feel like i’ve had a lot of time to chat with Jesus, and so much time to write and read books and just do things I love.
Thanks Jesus for the constant faithfulness in all circumstances.