Today’s blog is a little different, a little shorter. I’m taking Bob Goff’s Writing Course, and I wrote this after we were given our first assignment. So here it is:
I looked over at my dog, Cosby, 65 pounds of fur and love, and I knew what was coming next. It always starts out as him getting up and high stepping like a Tennessee Walker. Then, he falls over and his whole body begins to seize. You can’t stop seizures; there is no preventing what is happening. You just have to wait for it to pass and hold him tight. He knows if someone is there with him, and in the midst of his seizing he knows if you get up and leave him.
I’ve been the person to get up and leave before. Sometimes it just feels too hard to watch, knowing there is nothing I can do to stop what’s happening. I leave and let my sister or parents take care of him. As the years have passed, I’ve grown more accustomed to his epilepsy. I don’t get up and leave although I want to. I just sit there with him.
And I find myself asking God on my hard days if He has gotten up and walked away in the midst of my seizing, in the midst of my desire to take control. Is it too hard for Him to watch us when we choose the world over Him more often than not?
I used to think the harder I fought falling out on the ground, the more power I had. Now I’m seeing on days where I feel like I can’t pick myself up off the floor, God is there lying with me. He’s holding me close, pulling me in and not letting me go, even if after the seizing has finished.