Fear of Failure.

In August, I walked into a classroom with 30 kids that were pretty much strangers, sat down, and began the fun dance of “where you from, where’d you go for undergrad, what was your major?” Classmate after classmate told me their major was business, finance, accounting, etc. I felt like a fish out of water. My scales were quickly losing their shine in this desert.

I majored in Public Relations in undergrad. In liberal arts, we avoid business classes like the plague (or in this case, like COVID-19), so my business background was limited. Yet I sat in a class getting ready to begin my MBA.

I’m not afraid to jump out of my comfort zone; however, I usually take leaps far bigger than I can jump on my own. I usually hit the pavement with a little too much force causing extra pressure on my body to try and recover from such a leap.

When I land though, that’s when it all becomes tricky. New surroundings bring new fears. I’ve now left the place I felt secure in and bounced into uncharted waters.

Looking around at my new classmates, I feared failing. I feared what people would think about me when I didn’t understand amortization schedules or accounting principles.

I felt like I was setting myself up to fail. Why was I in this place? Why did I choose this and why did God let me choose this?

We aren’t born swimmers. Our parents don’t throw us in the pool and then turn around. We take lessons; we learn with pool floaties. We slowly become brave enough to throw rings into the bottom of the pool. We learn to grab them and raise the rings through the water in victory.

It isn’t a skill we master overnight, but consistency breeds fearlessness. Day by day, you discover you can trust yourself. And before you know it, we’re jumping in the deep end when no one’s watching.

Right now I feel like a bit of a failure. I know I’m not, but graduating without a job in hand is a scary feeling.

If I start to doubt, if I start to fear, I won’t be able to hold my head above water. But I’m trying to trust that God hasn’t left me to drown. The more I trust in Him, the easier it is for me to swim. He’s here.

xo,

msv