Yesterday I was driving back from Tuscaloosa to Nashville. I hate stopping while I’m driving whether it’s for gas, to go to the bathroom, whatever it is. If I lose a few minutes on my ETA I feel so aggravated.
As I was driving along yesterday, I turned off the GPS. I knew where I was going and I didn’t really need it, but I like knowing the exact minute I’ll arrive home. I’m in constant competition with that time, trying to beat it.
When I had to stop at a point yesterday, I tried to not think about the time it would take me and the delay it would cause.
I don’t like slowing down or losing momentum, so the answer for me seems to be to fill every hour with an exact plan and if it doesn’t go accordingly I feel so frustrated with myself. Where am I pulling over to rest and take care of myself? I can’t run on empty forever.
Some days my soul feels like it’s all of a sudden slammed on the brakes and run out of gas. I’m not great about having a true Sabbath, really resting.
On the roads of our lives, what rest stops are we passing that we could really use but ignore because we’re so worried about getting to our destination as fast as we can? Better yet, what is my destination in each of these moments and does this destination add anything to my life or is it just a worldly desire?
We have this real sense of urgency in our society to constantly be on the go. We struggle with slowing down in our minds and feel as if we can never keep up, lost in the busyness of competing with ourselves and others.
Maybe the anxiety we all feel and the stress that crushes our souls stems from the fact that rest isn’t a priority in our lives.
A couple weeks ago, I was laying in my bed on a Saturday where I had nothing to do for the first time in months. No agenda, no plans, just what I wanted to do alone. And as I was in my bed watching Netflix, I felt this wave of anxiety overtake me and I had no idea why I felt so anxious. Yesterday I realized it seems like the anxiety probably stemmed from my body not knowing what to do when I went from 80 mph to 0 for such an extended amount of time.
Our bodies weren’t meant to be constantly exhausted and pushed past our limits emotionally, physically, and mentally.
I’ve been processing a lot lately what matters to me and are those things important to God. Worldly success seems to be defined by how much money you make and what kind of house you have and what your relationships and friendships look like on social media, but I know ultimately that’s not what the Lord is seeking for my soul nor has that ever really filled me up.
I’m beginning to wonder if I’m brave enough to start doing the work of changing what matters to me to be what matters to God.
Am I caring for my soul? Am I scratching more than the surface in my friendships and relationships or have I been emotionally unavailable to go deeper?
It’s a scary thing to be known, to be fully known.
So maybe I’ll be more aware of who and what I find rest in. Maybe I’ll begin to really commit to taking one true day of rest, the way God intended. Maybe I’ll let God be my GPS and trust his directions even when I don’t trust the destination He’s leading me to. Your ways are higher than mine and Your desires for my life are intended for Your greater good in my life.
Thank You Lord for the love You demonstrate in my life every day and the patience You have with me time and time again. Take the wheel of my life and lead me to rest in You and to the ultimate destination You have for me.
We love You, Lord.